‘Twas the night before Thanksgiving and all through the house, not a creature was stirring, not even George Lopez. Okay, that’s a lie. It was a Tuesday night, but George Lopez still wasn’t stirring. As a matter of fact, the most recent addition to the late night landscape wasn’t doing a whole lot of anything. I’ve seen his show in bits and pieces, I’ve heard reviews, and on this particular night, with my bottle of wine by my side, I decided to check it out.

George Lopez (Getty Images)

As the story goes, I think George Lopez is a funny guy. I enjoyed The George Lopez Show, and I thought his HBO special about being America’s Mexican was really funny. His stand-up is pretty good, and he goes after all types of racial stereotypes and, most importantly, relates them to his upbringing. None of that, however, necessarily translates into late-night humor. Conan can joke about being a skinny white guy with a big head.  Craig Ferguson can joke about being Scottish, and Letterman about being old, but that doesn’t define their show.  Their shows are successful because of their personalities. George Lopez has a unique personality, I think, but it hasn’t come out on his show.

I tuned in Tuesday night, and his guests were Sandra Bullock, Derek Luke (he played Diddy in Notorioius) and Shakira. He began the show with a greenroom segment with Shakira hooking her hips up to a lie detector test. I’d like to point out that when I got within a foot of Shakira at a Rolling Stone event, I asked her if her hips ever lied. I’m just saying George stole my bit. He does his standard monologue topical enough, but he doesn’t need to repeat the phrase: “If celebrity X were Mexican, it would be like…”  The show should be about him, not about his ethnic stereotypes.

He brought out Sandra Bullock, who looked lovely, and he spent a good 10 minutes discussing how she helped him get his start in the business. There was a lot of “I love you so much, Sandra.” We get it — you appreciate Sandra Bullock. A lot of people do. Now ask her some questions. After the segment was done, they got into a riff about how Sandra should be more Latina. She, of course, said she would love to be more Latina, and lo and behold, Internet sensation ‘Chula Girl’ arrived on stage to give her a makeover. Before I go down this road, I’d like to point out a few things. First, I’m over the ‘Internet Sensation’ phenomenon. If you make a video and put it on YouTube, that shouldn’t automatically qualify you for guest spots on late-night talk shows. Jimmy Kimmel did it with Andy Milonakis a few years back, MTV gave him a show, and then three people who watched it gave him a reality check. Secondly, if I haven’t heard of you, you’re not an Internet sensation.

‘Chula Girl’ is a short, heavyset Latina who makes Internet videos about how to be more Latina, i.e. a Latina stereotype.  So as long as you look rough and tumble and ready for a fight and drive a low-rider, you can be a certified Latina. Really, George? Is that funny? If Jerry Seinfeld had a talk show and took a guest backstage and put on a large prosthetic nose and handed them wads of cash, would that be Jew hilarity? I mean, maybe it would if Seinfeld did it, but I doubt it. The point being, Lopez relies too much on racial stereotype humor. It seems to be the only thing his writers have in their bag of tricks, and it ain’t funny.

Arsenio Hall went off the air in 1994. Since then, the non-whites involved in late-night television have been Magic Johnson with The Magic Hour and Vibe Magazine with the aptly named Vibe Show. The late-night landscape is crowded right now, and it’s filled with white males who cater to a younger white male audience. It’s great that the suits want to mix it up a little bit and add some color to the equation, but if this is the best they can do, they should stop while they’re ahead.