The Pomona Fairplex, home of the Los Angeles County Fair, horse racing, car expos, and the rabbit and cavy (guinea pig) show — that same city that is the hub of higher education boasting no fewer than ten colleges and universities — played host this weekend to the Body Art Expo for three –- count ‘em –- three “illustrious” days. Three days of illustrating what Ray Bradbury wrote about in his book of short stories, The Illustrated Man – the conflict of the “cold mechanics of technology and the psychology of people.”

Years ago, I told a boyfriend that I wanted to get a tattoo –- somewhere discreet where it wasn’t readily visible — somewhere like the base of my tailbone. His response was that I might as well have tattooed what Dante put over the Gates of Hell in The Divine Comedy: “Abandon hope all ye who enter here.” I never got that tattoo, and I got rid of him, while I was at it. Good thing on both counts. No telling where that tattoo might have migrated to on my body with the passing of time, and him…I know where he ended up, and worse than any tattoo could have been.

Billed as the world’s largest tattoo expo and gigantic skin show-off party, the Body Art Expo had something for everyone. There was the Hot Babe & Hot Stud Contests which was billed as “the hottest and wildest event of the show” and anything goes; everyone is invited to participate. At this event, there was a contest to find the hottest looking “tattooed” babe and the hottest looking “tattooed” stud from the audience. We were supposed to be the judges and determine the winners. Where does one begin and what are the criteria? I’ll let you know when I decide.

The next audience participation event scheduled was the “Tight Ass Contest” –- female participants only. Had to pass on that for a number of reasons, number one being that it would only be on Sunday and I’d be in Mass. Then there was the Hot Stud Contest on Friday evening and the Hot Babe Contest on Saturday afternoon –- I guess they had to have them on separate days because turning the hose on them just wouldn’t work to keep them separated. Alas, there was the Best Orgasm Contest on Saturday night, past my bedtime. Plus, we all know that Meg Ryan would have won from her scene in When Harry Met Sally. Last but not least were the Human Suspension, Live Performances and Sideshows, but unfortunately I gave all that up when the Long Beach Nu-Pike was shut down and the Fleet wasn’t in anymore.

Tattoos have been around for centuries. The oldest mummy ever recovered is also the earliest known tattooed human being. Otzi the Iceman from 3300 B.C bears 59 tattoos. In 1769, on their first trip to the southern seas, some of the sailors in James Cook’s crew let the natives of Tahiti decorate their skin as a memory of their experiences in this foreign and strange culture. They were the first to bring those so called “Tataus,“ a former native ritual action, as a fashion statement to Europe. In the beginning, mostly native tribal symbols were done, the forerunner of today’s Tribal Tattoos.

Humans have used tattoos for a number of reasons — for magical protection, to relieve pain, for vengeance, and to declare victory over an enemy. Historically, tattoos were created to beautify, shock, or humiliate, and they could proclaim valor, religious belief, group solidarity, or personal independence.

The evolution of tattoos is as varied as the methods created, with the results ranging from permanent, semi-permanent, to temporary. A permanent tattoo, or dermal pigmentation, is a mark made by inserting pigment into the skin using some sort of sharp instrument (needle) to make the individual repeated puncture. At the Expo, it was recommended to find an artist whose work you admire and make a private appointment. Then there are henna tattoos, using henna and a variety of techniques. Application of a henna tattoo can take anywhere from a half-hour to several hours. The amount of time depends on the location –- hands and feet take the longest –- and the amount of detail. How long the designs last on the skin depends how people take care of them. To prolong a design, it’s suggested keeping the area moisturized. The skin should not be scrubbed, exfoliated, or rubbed unless you want to hurry the fading process. It is also advised that you avoid harsh soaps and saunas. Lastly, there are the temporary tattoos that are popular because they just come off with soap and water.

Not unlike “what goes up, must come down,” in some cases “what goes on must come off,” and that’s not so easy. In the rapper scene, one of the most recent celebrities to admit his tattoo mistakes is 50 Cent. The rapper has a whole bunch of different tattoos on his body. However, he’s going to have less and less of them, since he thinks it limits the movie roles that might be available to him with his identifying marks. Another rapper having removal is Pharrell Williams. He and 50 Cent are using very different methods of removal that only have in common that both methods are very expensive. While 50 Cent has signed up for laser removal treatments, it seems Pharrell Williams is opting for an alternative tattoo removal procedure that grows new replacement skin in a laboratory.

Tattoos are now part of everyday society, with over 60% of all North Americans aged 18 to 30 years old having at least one tattoo, for whatever reason, as is evident by the number attendees at the Body Art Expo. I wonder what people over 30 are doing. I guess, gentle reader, that must be why I don’t have any tattoos. Instead, pass the depilatory.

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