Halloween: Time for trick-or-treaters, costume parties, and scary movies.

As any scary movie aficionado already knows, women in these movies are not, shall we say, the sharpest knives in the drawer.

Yes, they are beautiful and fearless, but face it — sometimes they’re just plain dumb. If there’s a ghost to be found, a creature to be killed, or a force to be reckoned with, they’re always right in the middle of the action (and they usually don‘t live to regret it).

On these precious few days before Halloween, let’s pay tribute to these fallen women of the horror flicks and take a look at what they do best:

• Always go in or out there — “there” being the attic, closet, barn, the other room, basement, dark alley, the all-concealing shadows, the woods, or the lake. (Any movie with Freddy Krueger, Jason Voorhees, Jamie Lee Curtis, or Sarah Michelle Gellar.)
• Take a shower. (Kudos to Hitchcock for this one.)
• Go on a caving trip in the remotest area possible. And, for added fun, make sure the cave is unexplored so that no one can find you. (The Descent -- though with what happens to these women in the film, the movie should really be called “Indecent.”)
• Kill a stranger and try to cover it up.  (I Know What You Did Last Summer and I Still Know What You Did Last Summer -- thank God there’s no, I Still Haven’t Forgotten What You Did Last Summer!)
• Always open the door. (Any movie directed by Alfred Hitchcock that has the word “Blood” in the title or features a guy in a cheap lookin’ mask.)
• Always answer the phone. (Scream I, II & III)
• Always search for where the sound is coming from. (Any movie that features birds, a Chuckie doll, or stars Neve Campbell.)
• Never wear a bra. (Face it, that’s just about every horror movie ever made including any movie starring Carmen Electra.)

So ladies, if, by chance, on Halloween night you find yourself alone in the dark in an old, rickety house with a ringing phone and no bra to be found, for God’s sake — do not open the door!

Oh yeah, Happy Halloween!

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