(Breathe, Ramus, breathe…)

It’s almost humanly impossible for me to type this one out coherently for the trembling of my fingers, while my heart is struggling futilely to keep itself from exploding in my chest. But I’ll do my best.

I spied a headline this morning during my routine sweep through the interweb over a pot of joe, and whatever effect the caffeine was trying to have on my bloodflow was instantly rendered obsolete by the torrential flash-flood that just blasted out of both my suprarenal and pituitary glands. The headline…

“Led Zeppelin to reunite for tour!”

At this juncture, I’m not going to go into the math behind the musical and historical magnitude that those six words mean for the whole of human existence as we know it, although I probably should. But there will be time for that. Trust me. All that needs to be known at this point, for the sake of our health (more specifically, my present heart condition), is that Led Zeppelin (according to numerous, veritable news sources) has agreed to reunite for a tour next year.

An unidentified source in The Courier Mail is reporting that Robert Plant agreed to reassemble the supernatural Rock and Roll juggernaut when he realized “the band were serious about doing it without him; it made him think long and hard.”

I’ve never been one to give much credence to unnamed sources, but when the report is carried over enough resources, my skepticism starts to wane and I actually start to believe in things. With this news, however, there’s no time or place for skepticism. Word of Zeppelin reuniting for a world tour is about a hair split away from God breaking through the clouds Himself, strapping on a fire-emblazoned Les Paul, and ripping through a one-off solo act that puts an end to all the world’s wars and all the oppression of all mankind forever (which is more or less how the people who witnessed their one-off reunion show at the London O2 Arena last December described it — and I can’t say that I’d disagree).

The source continues to report that Jimmy Page, John Paul Jones, and Jason Bonham (the son of the late, great John Bonham) had been previously rehearsing with an “American singer” who they felt had the chops to pull off a vocal component sufficient for a tour (which is complete balderdash).

Plant, upon hearing the news, “couldn’t face the thought of not being involved,” says the source.

Neither could the rest of humanity, for that matter. The thought of some American fella up there trying to stand in for Robert Anthony Plant on a stage of divine sanction only reserved for the Led Zeppelin is downright criminal, sacrilegious (more so than this article), and wrong — more wrong that what Page did to “Kashmir” on the Godzilla soundtrack in ‘98.

Thank you, Robert Plant, that we won’t have to live with such an abomination.

The Tour is set for the summer of 2009 and I will be on top of this thing every single waking moment of every day to make sure that you know exactly where and when to be when the day comes that Zeppelin is in your area.

For my part, I can’t think of one single thing I wouldn’t do or give to get into this show.

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