By: Mahatma Kane Jeeves

Daniel Day-Lewis may certainly be a fine actor, but There Will Be Blood was so chocked full of utterly unmotivated character turns that I am amazed by all the fawning critics and Oscar nominations for Best Picture and Best Screenplay/Adapted (it is loosely based on Upton Sinclair’s Oil).

The story is about a ruthless man’s journey towards becoming a rich oil baron–the character’s name is Daniel and he is also played by Daniel. Daniel has a very young son who he takes along on every phase of the oil business–from exploring the rugged backlands to swindling honest country folk out of those rugged backlands. The oilman’s path is crossed by a nutty preacher named Eli Sunday, played by Paul Dano, who also plays Eli’s sneaky twin brother, Paul Sunday. The story–beautifully shot and with fine actors (we must admit) but sparse dialogue–spans a period from the turn of the century to the beginning of the Depression, during which time the characters love, then inexplicably hate, then inexplicably love, then inexplicably hate each other; otherwise cunning men (and well-behaved kids) suddenly act insane and contrary to their motivations, a kindly and idealistic old rancher looks kindly at a brazen murder on his ranch…

Despite the fervid mega-hype, this was not a great movie, in my opinion. The Mahatma Kane Jeeves test of a truly great movie is that, upon subsequent viewings – say you run in to it on cable – you find you cannot turn it off. Godfather 1, Godfather 2, Goodfellas, Casino, It Happened One Night, Charade, Psycho… you simply cannot turn it off. I would have no problem turning off There Will Be Blood.

As a matter of fact, before I got to the end of this two-hour and thirty-eight-minute movie, watching an endless final scene between Daniel and Eli that was reminiscent of a “no time limit” method acting exercise, I could finally not take it anymore and knocked myself out with a bowling pin.

Let There Be Blood, written and directed by Paul Thomas Anderson (whose works, Boogie Nights and Magnolia, we quite enjoyed), may have some moments, like a daring 20-minute opening sequence with no dialogue…but Best Picture, Best Screenplay? It is wearing the Emperor’s New Clothes!