Folks, if you weren’t at The Doll Factory last night, you might as well give up because you missed the single greatest night in sports history. Mayweather vs. Hatton? Please. Two sweaty meatheads wailing on each other?

The real test of skill and strength was on a banked track in Historic Filipinotown. Tensions were running HIGH and the excitement was thick enough to cut with a knife, and that was just as we made our way inside.
The game had the 2006 Derby Doll Champs Fight Team pitted against the aptly-named Sirens. So who came out on top? Read on to find out…

The venue was practically full when we arrived, which told me that it would be just about at capacity (1,500 people - not sure what the final number is): no one wanted to miss this thing. In fact, there were easily ten times as many sign-toting fans as last time.

The Tough Cookies were fully deployed, posting up signs touting “Cookies in ‘08.” Sadly, they didn’t make the cut this year, but they were big on spirit. They were scattered throughout the venue and bleachers, riling people up, cheering on their friends, and just generally causing a ruckus.

As we settled into our seats, the MC did their damnedest to get the crowd all worked up, and by the time the two teams took the rink, everyone was going just about nuts. I’d seen several Fight Crew members at the last game but really didn’t know what I was in store for. They looked mean, and after the first couple downs, I could tell they were in it to win.

While Fight Crew is tough as nails, the Sirens have some damned good jammers. Both teams were in a dead heat throughout the first half, and at half-time there was only a one-point difference. Needless to say, the pressure really started to mount during halftime, when everyone realized that things would have to get a lot more intense for someone to come out victorious.

Things really kicked into high gear in the second half, and there was a penalty almost every round. They weren’t going to be holding back any punches. Girls were tripped, shoved, slammed; two people flew out of the rink and someone actually slammed into the bank hard enough to break it. And when the game wasn’t halted for a penalty or something serious, they were calling time-outs to argue with the refs.

Stakes were HIGH. The crunching was LOUD. The sound of bodies hitting the rink was almost drowning out the music. These gals would tear Mayweather to pieces. He wouldn’t last a minute in the ring with any of them.

It’s safe to say that Fight Crew dominated the second half, partly because of their jammers but more so because of their dominating blockers.

The undeniable stars of the evening were the Sirens’ jammers, specifically Kung Pow Tina, Roxy Contin, and the darling from last game, Mila Minute (pictured here - she’s the one with red hair). The former Junior Olympic athlete is really a sight to behold as she blasts past everyone else on the rink.

By the last quarter, she had earned the ire of Fight Crew, and she found herself plowed into the bank twice.

As the clock ticked away, the game got dirtier, and Tara Armov of Fight Crew got ejected from the game. The crowd was almost at a boil–torn between rabid fans screaming “Fight Crew!” while others chanted back “Sirens!” This is how wars are started, folks.

The Sirens managed to pull back ahead by two points for a very short time, but found themselves just a few points short at the end of the fourth quarter. This game was going to be CLOSE, but The Sirens just didn’t seem to be able to pull ahead.

What happened next, folks, is what sports legends are made of. Words cannot properly describe the awesomeness of the final round:

Both teams are near exhaustion, hurting pretty bad and desperate for that trophy. The Sirens bring out Mila Minute, trusting that if anyone can pull off an upset, it would be her. True to form, she’s slipping right past everyone at breakneck speed–sleek and graceful. Pandemonium is breaking loose, everyone is up, yelling in either joy or terror! SHE! JUST! MIGHT! PULL! IT! OFF! When, abruptly and seemingly out of NOWHERE, a member of Fight Crew goes flying out of the rink! SWEET BABY JESUS!

THE ROUND IS CANCELED, THE CLOCK IS STOPPED WITH 11 SECONDS LEFT!!! FUCK!

Amazingly, before the game doctor can even reach the spot where she went airborne, the Fight Crew player crawls back into the rink. She skates off, giving the crowd the thumbs up. SHE’S OKAY!!!

But Mila Minute is done. She gave her all and can barely catch her breath, so they swap her for Kung Pow Tina (that’s her in blue), who had been tying Mila Minute for points all game. She may not have the pizazz of Mila, but goddamn can she jam her ass off.

The first whistle goes and the blockers are off, elbows flying. There are a couple tumbles before the second whistle send the jammers off.

Tina pulls ahead of her opponent, but only for a second. As the Fight Crew jammer grabs one of her blockers for support, there’s a sudden pile-up and the blocker goes down, bringing the jammer with her!!! Someone actually tries to jump the downed blocker! Goddamn!


FIGHT CREW BLOCKERS DOWN, JAMMER DOWN, TINA PULLS AHEAD. SHE’S GIVING IT HER ALL. THIRTY-FIVE SECONDS LEFT, SHE LAPS THE PACK…SHE COULD DO IT. SHE JUST MIGHT DO IT IF SHE CATCHES UP TO THE PACK. TWELVE SECONDS LEFT; PASSES ONE BLOCKER, PASSES ANOTHER; 7 SECONDS LEFT, SHE PASSES THE THIRD BLOCKER AND SCORES THE MUCH NEEDED THREE POINTS!!!

THE SIRENS WIN IN A TOTAL UPSET ON A RESET LAST ROUND!!!!

It just doesn’t get any more exciting than that. My throat is still hoarse from screaming.

The Sirens worked hard for their victory, and no one can deny they didn’t earn it, although Fight Crew didn’t give any less of themselves.

So a great big congratulations to The Sirens on their victory of last year’s champs. We all look forward to an awesome 2008 season where we’ll see if
The Tough Cookies can really make good on their claim to victory.

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